onetrackminds | (no subject)

[he watches her for a moment, and the truth is, he's still kind of confused. But she also looks so serious, despite the attempted smirk.]

I thought you were already on my side in this. You're a mage-- [oh wait.] Is this about what I'm going to do again?

[Which he's been trying not to think about. The fact that he's actually been sort of happy with Hawke has helped, but it's not an easy fact to ignore. And he's not actually proud of the fact, either.]

Of course I am. But I haven't--been as supportive as I should have. [It is, in part. It's really about the whole situation leading up to it; in hindsight, she'd been rather willingly blind about it, shirking off the manifesto as something he did to fill time (she thought she'd heard it all before, after all), or ignoring the fact that he was getting visibly more tense, even before Justice's grand turning point.] It's not just that, but yes. You might call it a rude awakening. Though I might opt more for the point being a maul crashing into my face. Either way, the point's rather blunt.

[His brow furrows even more as he tries to follow that. It doesn't help that he wasn't there for the time she's referring to - or at least, he hasn't lived it yet. He almost feels as if this apology is meant for someone else.]

I don't think anyone can expect support for that. [if he doesn't support himself ~~yet~~, how can he expect it of her?] From what you've told me, I killed a lot of innocent people.

But is it really still innocence when they see everything that's happened, and stand up to do nothing at all? [She nudges him.] That idea isn't mine though, I must have heard that somewhere...

[It couldn't be a manifesto. Surely not.]

[He looks a little surprised at that.]

You actually read it. And you paid attention? [no one ever listens, it feels like, but--]

I don't think I can judge people for not doing anything. I never used to. [he sounds almost a little too sober as he says it.] And in that case, how do I know when I've gone too far?

Isn't that what the voice in your head is for? [It's not an entirely serious question, and she chuckles a bit as she asks it, but the mood soon shifts back to the serious solemnity the conversation calls for--she can be serious, sometimes.]

Anyway, isn't that the point? You learned, can't they? And going "too far" is really up to how you define that, isn't it? [So she's giving him quite a bit of leeway. Probably more than she should, and certainly more than most anyone who knows either of them would allow without disparaging comment. But she's slowly coming to realize that he has more of a point than the immediacy and shock of the situation had allowed for when it happened, and in trying to rationalize it to him, she's doing the same herself. It's an extreme measure to be sure; at least on that front they both agree. But is it actually wrong, or only seemingly wrong because of that extreme?

And what exactly does that say for Hawke for allowing it to happen? Does this make her an accomplice (even if it hasn't happened for Anders yet)? Was anyone in that Chantry actually "innocent"? Was it a necessary sacrifice?

She's not sure she can answer all that, or if she'll ever really be able to. But it's not something she's willing to fault Anders for in entirety; there had to have been some reason, some logic to it.]