Anders (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
onetrackminds) wrote2015-05-29 06:12 pm
onetrackminds) wrote2015-05-29 06:12 pm
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monadexe
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IC Information
Name: Anders
Canon: Dragon Age
Gender: Male
Age: 38
History: From the Dragon Age Wiki
Personality: Where Anders is from, nearly everyone follows the Chant of Light, the teachings left behind by Andraste - think Joan of Arc and Jesus all rolled up in one. And growing up, Anders was a good little andrastian. He believed in the Maker, and in His bride Andraste; he knew the Chant; he knew that mages were bad and needed to be locked up; he believed every word of it. So when he then discovered that he was a mage, his world was, to put it mildly, turned on its head.
He discovered it by accidentally setting the barn on fire. Young mages generally can't control their powers, and at first he didn't even realise what had happened. But everyone where he was from feared mages. Soon, his own father grew scared of him, and all for something he couldn't help. But mages have to be locked up, and soon Templars were called in, and Anders was informed he would never see his family again. He got to keep an old pillow his mum had made him, but after that they chained him up and brought him to a strange country, far away from home. There he was to be live his life in a tower together with other mages, and with more Templars around to keep an eye on them. At that time, he was twelve.
Being brought to the Circle (as it's called) was traumatising for him, and it didn't stop there. Every day he would be told that mages were dangerous, repeating the words of the Chant he had so long believed. And some Templars took it further, seeming to think that mages barely deserved to live. To add insult to injury, they would explain that they were locked up as much for their own protection as for the protection of others. He saw what happened to some mages; he didn't believe it was safe at all.
He made friends in the Circle, and he had many lovers; and he enjoyed learning, especially about Spirit Healing. But he never could settle down there. During his time in the Circle, he escaped at least seven times, each time brought back to face a harsher punishment. The last time they placed him in isolation down in the dungeons for a year. He's still terrified of being locked up and of being alone because of it, and if anything, it only made him more determined to be free. He promptly escaped again.
Once upon a time, Anders used humour as self-defense, and refused to allow himself to grow too attached to any person or place. He knew he would never stay long, and even if he did, the Templars could easily get in the way if they so chose. So he joked and he ran. If pushed, though, his anger at the Templars and the Chantry became obvious. At first he might attempt to be witty about that, too ("yes, I so enjoy being woken up with a kick to the head every morning"), but eventually even the sarcasm would be dropped, and there would be no further attempts at friendship from him.
His sense of humour hasn't gone away entirely these days, but a few things has changed. The last time the Templars caught him, they then managed to get themselves killed by monsters called darkspawn on the way back to the Circle. The blame was shifted onto Anders for this, and the plan was to hang him; instead, he was recruited into the Grey Wardens, a group of people dedicated to protecting the land. They have the right to conscript anyone, and though the Templars objected, there was nothing they could do. Becoming a Warden is for life, but Anders knew very well what it meant. His home country is at constant risk for darkspawn attacks, and the Wardens have a strong presence there. He was prepared to dedicate himself to it, thinking it a much better life than the Circle. And he might have stayed, if not for a few things:
The Warden who recruited him was none other than the Hero of Ferelden, who had stopped the darkspawn hordes from taking over the land. She could accomplish amazing things, and being around her made him feel as if one person wasn't such a small number after all. And while travelling with her, he also met a spirit of justice. This spirit was trapped outside the Fade (the dreamworld, essentially, where demons and spirits live), and while Anders was skeptical at first, unsure of the difference between a spirit and a demon, the two eventually learned to get along. And Justice kept pressing him on the issue of mages. Why would Anders try to escape his oppression, while other mages still suffered? Anders had never even attempted to help the others trapped in the Circle.
It still might not have been enough to change anything. But the Hero of Ferelden was stationed there only temporarily, and while she had trusted Anders, other Wardens were more faithful towards the Chantry. And the Templars hadn't given up, despite the fact that they have no authority over the Wardens. So instead they made a deal; one of their own joined the Wardens, and was sent on every mission together with Anders after that, to keep an eye on him. And finally, this Templar-turned-Warden fetched more Templars, not trusting Anders and deciding to turn on him, and it's at this point Anders decided to make his dealwith a demon with Justice and let the spirit possess him.
Neither of them had predicted the consequences, though. Anders had tried to suppress his anger for years, but now Justice felt it as well, and anger can be dangerous for a spirit. It warped him into a spirit of vengeance, and Anders, well. He became more focused. Hard-working. The anger bubbled to the surface and the part of him that joked his problems away was shoved down. It's still there, he can still joke, but half the time he's talking about Templars these days, and the rest of the time he's usually going on about the Chantry. He comes across as whiny, broody and, at best, boring. But he also doesn't care anymore.
He dedicated himself to his cause of freeing mages, but also to his healing. He opened a clinic in the slums of Kirkwall, treating people for free. Where he gets the money to buy himself food, no one knows. He works, and rarely sleeps, and when he's got spare time he tries to find way to convince people that mages aren't dangerous. For a long time he was using peaceful methods, for instance writing a manifesto, but after seven years - and with the situation in Kirkwall only worsening - it becamse obvious that it wouldn't work. And deperation will unfortunatley push him far. In addition, he was also actively helping smuggle mages out of the Circle in Kirkwall. Again, for free. Again, he really doesn't know how to look after himself anymore.
He's also a bloody hypocrite about it all. He has little sympathy for Fenris, a former slave, simply because Fenris doesn't trust mages - despite the fact that he has a really good reason not to. And if Anders believes in freedom for all, he should be able to empathise, instead of always turning it into an argument for his own cause. It makes him self-centered, even if he honestly means well. Further, he'll complain about how the wrongdoings of a single mage is used as evidence to condemn them all; yet when he sees a mage doing wrong, typically by resorting to blood magic as a last resort, he condemns them in the same way. It's their fault for making them all look bad. Of course, blood magic means consorting with demons, and Anders allowed himself to be possessed by a spirit. He's got no room to judge.
But despite all that, he's a kind man as well. He gives everything of himself to help others these days, pushing himself much further than what is healthy. If he can save one more person, then it's worth it, to him. And if you're his friend, then he'll be there for you whenever you need him. It's just too bad for him he's really bad at making friends these days.
Another side-effect of Justice's possession is that he's become more of a private person. Before he might not have minded mentioning what he himself went through in the circle (see: the comment about being kicked in the head, a year of isolation, and more), but now he speaks more in general terms. He doesn't want to seem selfish by making his cause about him; but he might have more success at convincing people if he gave more specific examples. Instead, all they hear is him talking about general injustices, and it's hard for people to realise just why it matters so much to him. Especially combined with his hypocricy.
In short: Justice and Anders were not a good match. But he hasn't lost himself entirely. He doesn't get drunk anymore, but if the mood strikes, he can still join in with card games. He's terrible at them, and he tends to lose his trousers along the way, but the important part is that someone dragged him away from work for five minutes so that he could have some fun. And then he really will surprise them with the return of the terrible jokes.
And it's made him braver. He dares to challenge the Templars these days. It might be because he's not worried about himself anymore, but still. It means he might, if he gets the chance, take some positive risks as well. Such as staying in the same city for years, something he's never done before - it means he's got a real chance to make some friends, if they can put up with how, well, focused he is. To put it nicely.
And if he no longer had a cause to fight for, he might even allow himself to be happy. The fear of losing everything is still there, but Justice helps him overcome it. The irony is, of course, that Justice might disapprove if Anders gets too attached to other people, as they are a distraction from work that needs to be done. He's constantly torn in two directions because of it, which really isn't any easier.
Powers/Abilities: First and foremost, Anders is a spirit healer. That means he's got magic abilities allowing him to knit flesh back together, stop bleeding, cure infections, mend a broken leg, and even, to some extent, alleviate mental illness, as long as there's a physical cause to it. He's also had over three years experience running a free clinic in the slums, so he's used to dealing with strange injuries or problems, and he's got some knowledge of herbs should his magic fail him.
His offensive spells are not nearly as powerful, focusing mainly on elemental and electric attacks, with some arcane spells mostly geared towards defence, such as mind blast. Compared to other mages, he might deal less damage; Still, he's an experienced fighter as well. And he's used to having to run from people chasing him, which is useful when your enemy prefers a sword.
His special ability in Dragon Age II, called Vengeance, also grants him two modes - panacea and vengeance. The first allows him to cast more powerful healing spells, and more frequently, but stops him casting offensive spells. Vengeance does exactly the opposite, strengthening his attacks but blocking his healing abilities. He becomes more vulnerable as well.
His possession was also affecting his capabilities, although that was mostly limited to the few times when Justice came out to play. When that happened, Anders' defense skyrocketed. A short story written about him has him take a sword through his chest while in this state, which he just shrugs off - because swords can't hurt a spirit.
In addition to all that, Anders is a Grey Warden. They are a group of warriors and mages, sworn to defend the land, and to do so they deliberately poison themselves with blood taken from a breed of monsters called darkspawn. Side effects include: nightmares, hearing Archdemons speak in your head, being able to sense the presence of darkspawn, being sensed by darkspawn in return, and dying a slow death. He had 25 years left, approximately, depending on whether being possessed could save him. That one's still up in the air.
Keepsakes/Mementos: His robes; the pillow his mum made him; a locket given to him by Hawke; his spellbook; his magic staff; a scarf given to him by the Warden (now somewhat moth-eaten).
Sample: It had been two weeks since he got the news.
Hawke had left him to go help the Inquisition. They hadn't intended for it to be that dramatic; Anders was in the area, even if Hawke would tell people that he was not in order to protect him. There were still too many people after his hide. But in the meantime, Anders could continue to offer help to refugees, by healing them or helping them fight off demons, whichever was needed. And they'd stay in touch, stay close enough that they could each rush to the other's side if necessary.
Except that Anders couldn't rush into the Fade, and that was where Hawke had gone and got himself killed.
It had been two weeks, and Anders was still in shock. It didn't feel real, so he simply continued as normal, waking up early and going out in search of people who needed help, dedicating himself to his job completely. His disguise was simple: farming clothes and a beard, and his hair falling down around his face - so far it had worked. Most people didn't scrutinise the person who had healed their infected leg too closely. It still wasn't safe, staying this active in an area, but he also didn't give himself time to worry about that.
He especially didn't worry when he heard about a rift to the fade blocking a mountain pass. An entire village had been trapped behind it for a while now, with no way out unless they wanted to brave the demons that were escaping. One woman had made it past them, which is how he got the news. And Anders had followed her directions to see if he could somehow help.
"I'll hold them off! Drop your belongings, just make a run for it!" he yelled out. He kept his eyes on the rift, which was spitting out low level demons. He flung ice at a rage demon to keep it at bay. "They'll stay close to the rift, so you'll be safe soon!"
He hoped that was true. It had seemed to be the case the few times he'd gotten too close to one of these things before, but he hadn't actually tested the theory. It was too bad he had no way of closing the damn thing. He flung a few more spells, trying to keep the demons' attention on him as the villagers did their best to sneak past. A few who knew how to fight stepped in to help him, hunters with bows and arrows, a few swords. It was enough to let a few more people rush past.
More demons made their way through the rift. It was a path directly into the fade, no lyrium or blood magic necessary, and Hawke was still on the other side, might still be alive--
Focus, said a voice in his head. Justice. He was right, of course, but it was still bloody annoying, to have it so close and with no way of actually getting through. Besides, these people needed him. If anything, he could try once they were all safely past the--
We still have work to do here. Again, Anders knew it was true. His work was never ending; the mages weren't safe, were free but still hunted, still feared. There were so many people who needed healing. He'd done nothing else for the past few weeks, barely giving himself time to sleep or eat. He was tired, and Hawke and Justice were the only two who kept him going, reminded him of all the good he was doing, and without Hawke--
He knew it was Justice who stopped him from dwelling on it, that it was the spirit who wouldn't just let him despair, like he really wanted. He wasn't useful to anyone like that. Instead he just felt empty, lonelier than he had been for a very long time, and far lonelier than someone sharing a body with a friend should ever feel. Then again, there was little of their friendship left by now, there was only the Cause.
Anders tightened his grip on his staff. Right now really wasn't the time to dwell on it anyway. There was always a lull in demons before a new wave would appear, and he sensed them coming now, the way a mage senses lyrium and the way Justice was forever drawn to the Fade. He would fight. And maybe afterwards he would ignore Justice's protests and get himself raging drunk. That sounded like a good idea.
He heard a shout from one of the other fighters, turned just in time to see a rage demon bearing down on him. Anders flung another spell. The demons were coming again, appearing across their small battlefield, and he--
He was staring directly at a Despair Demon.
How appropriate, he thought, or was that Justice again? It didn't matter. Anders threw his arms forward, casting a fire spell even as it slashed at his chest, and he yelled as he felt himself being ripped open.
Heal yourself, he thought. No, definitely Justice. He couldn't focus. He pressed his hands to his chest, felt blood and flayed skin, knew it wasn't something anyone would survive. Or at least no human. If Justice took over, he could keep his body going, could keep them fighting until everyone was safe. Except the Despair Demon was still coming, screaming misery into the air, and the world in front of Anders was going blurry.
Cast a spell, he thought, Any spell.
And then his legs gave way and he fell.
Mindset: Anders remembers everything about his death. He'll come into Monad expecting the Fade, which is where people go after they die in his world - but he'll realise quickly that's not where he is. Any mage would recognise it. He'll miss Justice and be relieved the spirit is free at the same time, and maybe wonder if Justice is now possessing his corpse. He'll finally be free to despair over Hawke's death, except Hawke is in the game, too, so when he realises that he'll just be incredibly relieved and happy. Until he realises this place isn't safe either.
G̶̶l̨͡i̵͢t̷c͝͠h̕é͠s̷̷͡: He's been absolutely terrified that Justice would turn into a demon - worried for a while that he already had. When Justice takes over, he often ends up going too far, sometimes attacking people they're supposed to help. He's worried that his own anger is corrupting someone who used to be his friend.
He's also worried that he's just being selfish, that by doing what he is he's only proving once and for all that mages need to be locked up. He doubts himself at times - a lot of the time, which sometimes ends in him taking it out (verbally) on other people when they're not being good enough, or are not working hard enough to prove that mages deserve freedom.
And he'd rather die than be made Tranquil, or see someone he cares about be made Tranquil. It's a state that effectively removes all of their dreams and emotions, as well as their magic. It's used as a way to control mages, and as a punishment.
And he still has nightmares about his year in solitary confinement.
Canon: Dragon Age
Gender: Male
Age: 38
History: From the Dragon Age Wiki
Personality: Where Anders is from, nearly everyone follows the Chant of Light, the teachings left behind by Andraste - think Joan of Arc and Jesus all rolled up in one. And growing up, Anders was a good little andrastian. He believed in the Maker, and in His bride Andraste; he knew the Chant; he knew that mages were bad and needed to be locked up; he believed every word of it. So when he then discovered that he was a mage, his world was, to put it mildly, turned on its head.
He discovered it by accidentally setting the barn on fire. Young mages generally can't control their powers, and at first he didn't even realise what had happened. But everyone where he was from feared mages. Soon, his own father grew scared of him, and all for something he couldn't help. But mages have to be locked up, and soon Templars were called in, and Anders was informed he would never see his family again. He got to keep an old pillow his mum had made him, but after that they chained him up and brought him to a strange country, far away from home. There he was to be live his life in a tower together with other mages, and with more Templars around to keep an eye on them. At that time, he was twelve.
Being brought to the Circle (as it's called) was traumatising for him, and it didn't stop there. Every day he would be told that mages were dangerous, repeating the words of the Chant he had so long believed. And some Templars took it further, seeming to think that mages barely deserved to live. To add insult to injury, they would explain that they were locked up as much for their own protection as for the protection of others. He saw what happened to some mages; he didn't believe it was safe at all.
He made friends in the Circle, and he had many lovers; and he enjoyed learning, especially about Spirit Healing. But he never could settle down there. During his time in the Circle, he escaped at least seven times, each time brought back to face a harsher punishment. The last time they placed him in isolation down in the dungeons for a year. He's still terrified of being locked up and of being alone because of it, and if anything, it only made him more determined to be free. He promptly escaped again.
Once upon a time, Anders used humour as self-defense, and refused to allow himself to grow too attached to any person or place. He knew he would never stay long, and even if he did, the Templars could easily get in the way if they so chose. So he joked and he ran. If pushed, though, his anger at the Templars and the Chantry became obvious. At first he might attempt to be witty about that, too ("yes, I so enjoy being woken up with a kick to the head every morning"), but eventually even the sarcasm would be dropped, and there would be no further attempts at friendship from him.
His sense of humour hasn't gone away entirely these days, but a few things has changed. The last time the Templars caught him, they then managed to get themselves killed by monsters called darkspawn on the way back to the Circle. The blame was shifted onto Anders for this, and the plan was to hang him; instead, he was recruited into the Grey Wardens, a group of people dedicated to protecting the land. They have the right to conscript anyone, and though the Templars objected, there was nothing they could do. Becoming a Warden is for life, but Anders knew very well what it meant. His home country is at constant risk for darkspawn attacks, and the Wardens have a strong presence there. He was prepared to dedicate himself to it, thinking it a much better life than the Circle. And he might have stayed, if not for a few things:
The Warden who recruited him was none other than the Hero of Ferelden, who had stopped the darkspawn hordes from taking over the land. She could accomplish amazing things, and being around her made him feel as if one person wasn't such a small number after all. And while travelling with her, he also met a spirit of justice. This spirit was trapped outside the Fade (the dreamworld, essentially, where demons and spirits live), and while Anders was skeptical at first, unsure of the difference between a spirit and a demon, the two eventually learned to get along. And Justice kept pressing him on the issue of mages. Why would Anders try to escape his oppression, while other mages still suffered? Anders had never even attempted to help the others trapped in the Circle.
It still might not have been enough to change anything. But the Hero of Ferelden was stationed there only temporarily, and while she had trusted Anders, other Wardens were more faithful towards the Chantry. And the Templars hadn't given up, despite the fact that they have no authority over the Wardens. So instead they made a deal; one of their own joined the Wardens, and was sent on every mission together with Anders after that, to keep an eye on him. And finally, this Templar-turned-Warden fetched more Templars, not trusting Anders and deciding to turn on him, and it's at this point Anders decided to make his deal
Neither of them had predicted the consequences, though. Anders had tried to suppress his anger for years, but now Justice felt it as well, and anger can be dangerous for a spirit. It warped him into a spirit of vengeance, and Anders, well. He became more focused. Hard-working. The anger bubbled to the surface and the part of him that joked his problems away was shoved down. It's still there, he can still joke, but half the time he's talking about Templars these days, and the rest of the time he's usually going on about the Chantry. He comes across as whiny, broody and, at best, boring. But he also doesn't care anymore.
He dedicated himself to his cause of freeing mages, but also to his healing. He opened a clinic in the slums of Kirkwall, treating people for free. Where he gets the money to buy himself food, no one knows. He works, and rarely sleeps, and when he's got spare time he tries to find way to convince people that mages aren't dangerous. For a long time he was using peaceful methods, for instance writing a manifesto, but after seven years - and with the situation in Kirkwall only worsening - it becamse obvious that it wouldn't work. And deperation will unfortunatley push him far. In addition, he was also actively helping smuggle mages out of the Circle in Kirkwall. Again, for free. Again, he really doesn't know how to look after himself anymore.
He's also a bloody hypocrite about it all. He has little sympathy for Fenris, a former slave, simply because Fenris doesn't trust mages - despite the fact that he has a really good reason not to. And if Anders believes in freedom for all, he should be able to empathise, instead of always turning it into an argument for his own cause. It makes him self-centered, even if he honestly means well. Further, he'll complain about how the wrongdoings of a single mage is used as evidence to condemn them all; yet when he sees a mage doing wrong, typically by resorting to blood magic as a last resort, he condemns them in the same way. It's their fault for making them all look bad. Of course, blood magic means consorting with demons, and Anders allowed himself to be possessed by a spirit. He's got no room to judge.
But despite all that, he's a kind man as well. He gives everything of himself to help others these days, pushing himself much further than what is healthy. If he can save one more person, then it's worth it, to him. And if you're his friend, then he'll be there for you whenever you need him. It's just too bad for him he's really bad at making friends these days.
Another side-effect of Justice's possession is that he's become more of a private person. Before he might not have minded mentioning what he himself went through in the circle (see: the comment about being kicked in the head, a year of isolation, and more), but now he speaks more in general terms. He doesn't want to seem selfish by making his cause about him; but he might have more success at convincing people if he gave more specific examples. Instead, all they hear is him talking about general injustices, and it's hard for people to realise just why it matters so much to him. Especially combined with his hypocricy.
In short: Justice and Anders were not a good match. But he hasn't lost himself entirely. He doesn't get drunk anymore, but if the mood strikes, he can still join in with card games. He's terrible at them, and he tends to lose his trousers along the way, but the important part is that someone dragged him away from work for five minutes so that he could have some fun. And then he really will surprise them with the return of the terrible jokes.
And it's made him braver. He dares to challenge the Templars these days. It might be because he's not worried about himself anymore, but still. It means he might, if he gets the chance, take some positive risks as well. Such as staying in the same city for years, something he's never done before - it means he's got a real chance to make some friends, if they can put up with how, well, focused he is. To put it nicely.
And if he no longer had a cause to fight for, he might even allow himself to be happy. The fear of losing everything is still there, but Justice helps him overcome it. The irony is, of course, that Justice might disapprove if Anders gets too attached to other people, as they are a distraction from work that needs to be done. He's constantly torn in two directions because of it, which really isn't any easier.
Powers/Abilities: First and foremost, Anders is a spirit healer. That means he's got magic abilities allowing him to knit flesh back together, stop bleeding, cure infections, mend a broken leg, and even, to some extent, alleviate mental illness, as long as there's a physical cause to it. He's also had over three years experience running a free clinic in the slums, so he's used to dealing with strange injuries or problems, and he's got some knowledge of herbs should his magic fail him.
His offensive spells are not nearly as powerful, focusing mainly on elemental and electric attacks, with some arcane spells mostly geared towards defence, such as mind blast. Compared to other mages, he might deal less damage; Still, he's an experienced fighter as well. And he's used to having to run from people chasing him, which is useful when your enemy prefers a sword.
His special ability in Dragon Age II, called Vengeance, also grants him two modes - panacea and vengeance. The first allows him to cast more powerful healing spells, and more frequently, but stops him casting offensive spells. Vengeance does exactly the opposite, strengthening his attacks but blocking his healing abilities. He becomes more vulnerable as well.
His possession was also affecting his capabilities, although that was mostly limited to the few times when Justice came out to play. When that happened, Anders' defense skyrocketed. A short story written about him has him take a sword through his chest while in this state, which he just shrugs off - because swords can't hurt a spirit.
In addition to all that, Anders is a Grey Warden. They are a group of warriors and mages, sworn to defend the land, and to do so they deliberately poison themselves with blood taken from a breed of monsters called darkspawn. Side effects include: nightmares, hearing Archdemons speak in your head, being able to sense the presence of darkspawn, being sensed by darkspawn in return, and dying a slow death. He had 25 years left, approximately, depending on whether being possessed could save him. That one's still up in the air.
Keepsakes/Mementos: His robes; the pillow his mum made him; a locket given to him by Hawke; his spellbook; his magic staff; a scarf given to him by the Warden (now somewhat moth-eaten).
Sample: It had been two weeks since he got the news.
Hawke had left him to go help the Inquisition. They hadn't intended for it to be that dramatic; Anders was in the area, even if Hawke would tell people that he was not in order to protect him. There were still too many people after his hide. But in the meantime, Anders could continue to offer help to refugees, by healing them or helping them fight off demons, whichever was needed. And they'd stay in touch, stay close enough that they could each rush to the other's side if necessary.
Except that Anders couldn't rush into the Fade, and that was where Hawke had gone and got himself killed.
It had been two weeks, and Anders was still in shock. It didn't feel real, so he simply continued as normal, waking up early and going out in search of people who needed help, dedicating himself to his job completely. His disguise was simple: farming clothes and a beard, and his hair falling down around his face - so far it had worked. Most people didn't scrutinise the person who had healed their infected leg too closely. It still wasn't safe, staying this active in an area, but he also didn't give himself time to worry about that.
He especially didn't worry when he heard about a rift to the fade blocking a mountain pass. An entire village had been trapped behind it for a while now, with no way out unless they wanted to brave the demons that were escaping. One woman had made it past them, which is how he got the news. And Anders had followed her directions to see if he could somehow help.
"I'll hold them off! Drop your belongings, just make a run for it!" he yelled out. He kept his eyes on the rift, which was spitting out low level demons. He flung ice at a rage demon to keep it at bay. "They'll stay close to the rift, so you'll be safe soon!"
He hoped that was true. It had seemed to be the case the few times he'd gotten too close to one of these things before, but he hadn't actually tested the theory. It was too bad he had no way of closing the damn thing. He flung a few more spells, trying to keep the demons' attention on him as the villagers did their best to sneak past. A few who knew how to fight stepped in to help him, hunters with bows and arrows, a few swords. It was enough to let a few more people rush past.
More demons made their way through the rift. It was a path directly into the fade, no lyrium or blood magic necessary, and Hawke was still on the other side, might still be alive--
Focus, said a voice in his head. Justice. He was right, of course, but it was still bloody annoying, to have it so close and with no way of actually getting through. Besides, these people needed him. If anything, he could try once they were all safely past the--
We still have work to do here. Again, Anders knew it was true. His work was never ending; the mages weren't safe, were free but still hunted, still feared. There were so many people who needed healing. He'd done nothing else for the past few weeks, barely giving himself time to sleep or eat. He was tired, and Hawke and Justice were the only two who kept him going, reminded him of all the good he was doing, and without Hawke--
He knew it was Justice who stopped him from dwelling on it, that it was the spirit who wouldn't just let him despair, like he really wanted. He wasn't useful to anyone like that. Instead he just felt empty, lonelier than he had been for a very long time, and far lonelier than someone sharing a body with a friend should ever feel. Then again, there was little of their friendship left by now, there was only the Cause.
Anders tightened his grip on his staff. Right now really wasn't the time to dwell on it anyway. There was always a lull in demons before a new wave would appear, and he sensed them coming now, the way a mage senses lyrium and the way Justice was forever drawn to the Fade. He would fight. And maybe afterwards he would ignore Justice's protests and get himself raging drunk. That sounded like a good idea.
He heard a shout from one of the other fighters, turned just in time to see a rage demon bearing down on him. Anders flung another spell. The demons were coming again, appearing across their small battlefield, and he--
He was staring directly at a Despair Demon.
How appropriate, he thought, or was that Justice again? It didn't matter. Anders threw his arms forward, casting a fire spell even as it slashed at his chest, and he yelled as he felt himself being ripped open.
Heal yourself, he thought. No, definitely Justice. He couldn't focus. He pressed his hands to his chest, felt blood and flayed skin, knew it wasn't something anyone would survive. Or at least no human. If Justice took over, he could keep his body going, could keep them fighting until everyone was safe. Except the Despair Demon was still coming, screaming misery into the air, and the world in front of Anders was going blurry.
Cast a spell, he thought, Any spell.
And then his legs gave way and he fell.
Mindset: Anders remembers everything about his death. He'll come into Monad expecting the Fade, which is where people go after they die in his world - but he'll realise quickly that's not where he is. Any mage would recognise it. He'll miss Justice and be relieved the spirit is free at the same time, and maybe wonder if Justice is now possessing his corpse. He'll finally be free to despair over Hawke's death, except Hawke is in the game, too, so when he realises that he'll just be incredibly relieved and happy. Until he realises this place isn't safe either.
G̶̶l̨͡i̵͢t̷c͝͠h̕é͠s̷̷͡: He's been absolutely terrified that Justice would turn into a demon - worried for a while that he already had. When Justice takes over, he often ends up going too far, sometimes attacking people they're supposed to help. He's worried that his own anger is corrupting someone who used to be his friend.
He's also worried that he's just being selfish, that by doing what he is he's only proving once and for all that mages need to be locked up. He doubts himself at times - a lot of the time, which sometimes ends in him taking it out (verbally) on other people when they're not being good enough, or are not working hard enough to prove that mages deserve freedom.
And he'd rather die than be made Tranquil, or see someone he cares about be made Tranquil. It's a state that effectively removes all of their dreams and emotions, as well as their magic. It's used as a way to control mages, and as a punishment.
And he still has nightmares about his year in solitary confinement.